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04:22pm 27/07/2003
  Bernese Mountain Dog

No bones about it, you're a good-hearted, people-loving Bernese Mountain Dog. Down-to-earth and loyal, no one works or plays harder than you do. You put your nose to the grindstone when it really counts, but you never neglect your social calendar. Simultaneously strong and sweet, you're very tuned-in to the feelings and needs of the other dogs you run with. Without having to be asked, you always have a helping paw to lend and a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. "Communication" is your middle name, and when that's paired with your unswerving devotion, you get a breed that everyone respects and trusts. Woof!		  
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Air   
03:25pm 22/07/2003
 
mood: awake
music: Kruder & Dorfmeister - Eastwest - Stoned Together Resmoked
I called in sick to my second day of volunteering at the State mental hospital. I was just too damned tired to work. I hope they don't think I'm unreliable, but it is volunteer work. I would like to get a job there though. I've been going through a lot of depresssion. I just feel like my life has no purpose. Work actually makes me feel better. I'm lonely too.		  
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MC Paul Barman - MTV Get off the AIr Part 2   
06:32pm 21/07/2003
 
mood: okay
http://www.cannibalflower.com/MC_Paul_Barman_-_MTV_Get_Off_The_Air.mp3

[MCPB]
A little goon
in a locker room
rat-tails the octaroon
He'll be drinking vodka soon
and his big brothers are frat guys
whose IQs lose to their fitted baseball hat size
Smirkin' jocks with hackysacks
in Birkenstocks and khaki slacks
I'm the hypest lyricist
while they're like, "What type of beer is this?"
The liquid is ubiquitous
and has such a hold
on all the strata, it's just got to be
government-controlled
Behind the bottle and the throne
sits an unknown man wiser
and bigger for the liquor store
the number one franchiser
Perhaps George Bush and his sons
are relatives of Anheuser

I wanted to get in a pooper hole one day
so I invited girls over on Super Bowl Sunday
only one showed up: Princess Superstar

[PS]
Thanks for inviting me over
let me look around the bedpost
black bill folds, back-to-back black dildos
nice kit kudos
pass the cool ranch doritos
I love nachos
put on Fat Joe
naw, that really sucks, let's put on the Beatles
Yo, let's check the half time show
I hope it's Michael Jackson
singin Satisfaction with Hanson
or Luther Vandross in a sparkling costume
with big pants dancin
or maybe I saw that in a Bud Light commercial
speakin' of which, give this bitch
a drink quick to wet my lips
you got enough cheddar lyin' around this place to
fix
up my tits
as if I need it...

[MCPB]
Conchetta please!
If you see any chedda'
it's chedda cheese
I'm easily great
I don't need to be in some sort of Ken Kesey state
to create something you can appreciate

[PS] Who are you talkin to?
[MCPB] Makin you draw conclusions
and superficial distinctions make you go sacrebleu!

[PS]
I can speak French too
suck my nuh-nuh
french my cunt
comprendez-vous?
Pepe Le Pew
let's cut to the denouement
you wanna fuck me, I wanna fuck you
so it's on.

[MCPB]
Can I chime in?
I'll still be rhymin'
when I'm in your hymen
I radiate like it was 88
and I'm searching for my lady mate
I'm a hunter-gatherer
a cunter-latherer
My dandy voice makes the most anti-choice
granny's panties moist

I do the new when the tried and true fails
plus I'm lookin' fly in my sky blue tails
Now peel off your tube top
so I can feel your boobs flop on my lubed cock
socks up to your calf like that chick from "The Craft"
I wanna put on a serrated condom and saw you in half

[PS]
My knees are weak, I need knee-pads
you fuck me blind, I can't see, dag!
run me a hot bath add the epsom salt
soak my lower half in your Mortal Kombat cocktail sauce
let me head south
put it in my mouth
cause I like the taste.

[MCPB]
When I burst in your face
I'll invade your personal space

[PS]
I'm like Chase, stick your card in and out
Thanks see, look how much stacks of cream are coming out

[MCPB]
I removed her sanitary napkin with my teeth
and there was a planetary backspin underneath
I faced her wound
Let's do a pap smear with a taster spoon
you can sleep on the guest cot
I'll sleep in the wet spot

(Singing)
I'll be your boyfriend
Smooch on your pooper hole
all through the Super Bowl
your man doesn't even miss you
glued to the boob tube, watchya gonna do dude?

I woke up sticky
and quickly applied a temporary tattoo to a hickey
went to salt and shake her awake
with orange juice, a straw, and coffee cake
after we had a bite,
we pushed the canoe in the lake

[PS] You don't paddle right
[MCPB] Look, a shooting star!
[PS] It's a fuckin satellite
[MCPB] Lady, one more complaint
and I'll shove a rape-whistle up the Mrs. Va-J-J
(starts whistling)

[PS]
What'd you say?!?!
Listen Slim Shay-day
tell Dre he better fuckin pay may (me)
(starts laughing)

[MCPB]
Your talents are bite-size
it's no suprise you rhyme with white guys
I jumped in the water
what did I want a girlfriend for?
Just like you, you jizz on your floor.
I don't want sweet potatoes anymore
I didn't even leave her an oar
did a medium crawl stroke back to shore

Who's next to flirt with this exhausting extrovert?
I parted some palm fronds
Guess who left me dry long johns
Uncle Ralph McDaniels
He said "what's up Paul Nathaniel Barman
let's get MTV off the air I deserve my own channel."		  
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Woke up this morning   
11:26am 21/07/2003
 
mood: horny
music: Led Zeppelin - Celebration Day
What oh what can I do today that will be worth something more than nothing. Everything seems so pointless doesn't it? Why survive in a world that is doomed to extreme over-population, which will lead to mass death and suffering? We all know there is no way to stop homosapiens from multiplying without seriously infringing on their liberties. Maybe aliens will come and save us from ourselves. Although I hate to think how.

Let's forget about the fact that there is no point or purpose to survival. I am going to survive for the same reason that everyone else is; for my own pleasure and well-being. Although I am not going to multiply or destroy the environment.

People that don't see the utter importance of protecting the environment are morbidly short-sighted and selfish.		  
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Change   
01:21pm 20/07/2003
 
mood: optimistic
music: Sigur Ros - Flugufrelsarinn
My life is going to change now.		  
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Depression   
09:20pm 19/07/2003
 
mood: sad
music: R.E.M. - Nightswimming
Depression is overcoming me again. I just want the pain to fade away.		  
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It's time to clean this place up   
09:05pm 19/07/2003
 
mood: distressed
music: Lowell Fulson - Hurry Home
It's time for me to clean my apartment. I've been putting it off too long now. Hypnos is meowing on my lap now. I'm trying to train him not to go on the computer desk.		  
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Weekend   
07:56am 19/07/2003
 
mood: dirty
I accidentally erased my entry so I am not rewriting it. This is the beginning of my weekend.		  
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Yes, I'm still up   
12:40pm 18/07/2003
 
mood: relaxed
music: The Violent Femmes - The Key of 2
I'm still up and I just had to do that survey. Now I'm running on sleep deprivation. I'm going to play a little Vampire the Masquerade, then I'll masturbate, and go to bed.		  
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Silly Livejournal Survey   
12:34pm 18/07/2003
 
mood: disappointed
music: DJ Vadim - Ghetto Rebels - Featuring Phil Life Cypher
1. What's your full name? Matthew Smith

2. How old will you be on your next birthday? 22

>3. What are you listening to right now? Man or Astro-Man? - Curious Constructs of Stem-Like Devices which now Prepare Themselves to be Thought of as Fingers

4. What are the last four digits of your phone number? 0315

5. What was the last thing you ate? M&Ms

6.If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Gray

7. Where did you go or will you go on your honeymoon? Las Vegas perhaps

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? My girlfriend's Mom

9. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Depends which side is facing me; Ass or Face

10. Do you have any pets? Two Kittens, and two ball pythons.

11. Your favorite drink? Jamba Juice's Mango Drink

12. Favorite alcoholic drink? Long Island Iced Tea

13. Favorite sport to play? Bicycling

14. Favorite sport to watch? Sumo Wrestling

15. What's the next CD you're going to get? The Whites Stripes new album maybe

16. Did you ever wear braces? No

17. Best memories? Going to Disneyland

19. Siblings and their ages? Sister, 18, sister, 10, sister 6, brother 15

20. Favorite month? June

21. Favorite food? Chicken Tikka Masala

22. Last movie you watched? Rat Race

23. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Usually

24. Favorite place to go on a date? India Palace, and a movie

25. Do you like scary or happy movies better? Happy

26. Summer or winter? Summer

27. Hugs or kisses? Kisses

28. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

29. Who is most likely to respond? The Debater

30. Who is least likely to respond? The Hermit

31.What books are you reading? Lord of the Rings, The Tibetan Book of the Dead

32. What's on your mouse pad? A mouse

33. Favorite magazine? Big Butt

34. Favorite smell? Lavender

35. Least favorite smell? Rotting flesh mixed with rotten diarrhea after a drunk night mixed with the excretion from a yeast infected vagina....You asked.

36. Worst feeling in the world? Knowing you are completely out of control and alone in this chaotic universe

37. How many rings before you answer the phone? 2

38. Future child's name? Merlyn

39.Glass half empty or half full? Half Full

41. Favorite movie(s)? Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Fight Club, and Natural Born Killers

42. What's under your bed? Carpet

43. What is your fave number? 420

44. One nice thing about the person that you stole this from? He is funny, and a good friend.

45. Favorite current TV show(s)? Trigger Happy TV, The Simpsons, South Park

46. Name the one thing you would change about this year: I would win at least a million dollars

47. Current Occupation??? Package Handler		  
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So Tired   
09:00am 18/07/2003
 
mood: tired
music: MC Paul Barman - Excuse You
I just got off of work. I went to the DMV to change my address. I am so tired. I have to take the new kittens to the vet now, I'm so tired. My brain is crying for sleep.		  
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Just got back from the store   
06:08pm 17/07/2003
 
mood: hot
music: Kruder & Dorfmeister - Bug Powder Dust - Dub Remix
It is so God-Damndably hot today. I just took the bus to Winco, bought some groceries, and took the bus home. Walking home I was literally dripping with sweat. Me and Juliana, my girlfriend, are about to have a barbecue. We just got two new kittens yesterday after our precious Merlyn was hit by a car. I am waiting for the coals to turn white on our balcony, then we will be making ginger barbecued chicken. I have to work tonight so I'll be going to be around ten to sleep for three hours. I'll probably try to find a movie to watch on tv, because today is Juliana's other day off besides Wednesday. She works full time.		  
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First Entry in Livejournal   
08:41am 16/07/2003
 
mood: tired
music: Beck - Girl Dreams
I decided to buy a two month subscription to live journal instead of waiting to find a code. I just got off of work, and I am about to try this new Robin Hood pc game from games on demand at games.yahoo.com. I'm tired, and my back is sore. I hope I can get some decent sleep today.		  
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matthewinoregon
 
 

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